Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Laws of Battlefield: Bad Company 2

The Law

  1. Friendly fire - isn't.
  2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
  3. Suppressive fire - won't.
  4. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
  5. If it works too well, it's cheap.
  6. If it's fair, you'll be banned for it.
  7. Your hand grenades have 5 second fuses that last 7 seconds.
  8. The enemy has grenades with 5 second fuses that last 3 seconds.
  9. The knife will never work for you.
  10. The knife will always work on you.
  11. The amount of failed knife kills a player attempted is about three times as many dogtags they've taken.
  12. There is always a way.
  13. The easy way is always mined.
  14. The hard way is also mined.
  15. Every recon on your team is a useless sniper faggot.
  16. Every recon on the opposing team is a professional.
  17. Snipers always go after easy targets.
  18. You are an easy target.
  19. Cover your front and you'll be shot in the ass.
  20. Cover your ass and you'll be shot in the side.
  21. Cover yourself well and the enemy will bypass you.
  22. 17 bullets to the chest is easily survivable as long as you don't get hit an 18th time.
  23. The nearest medic is either too far away, dead, or an imbecile.
  24. The nearest engineer is either too far away, dead, an imbecile, or out of ammo.
  25. Whenever you have a decent supply of ammo, you will have perfect accuracy.
  26. Whenever you're running low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
  27. The nearest assault will never supply ammo when you need it.
  28. If the nearest assault knew to supply ammo, you'd never need ammo. You'd just have it.
  29. The best helicopter pilot in the server is on the other team.
  30. And he has stolen your team's helicopter.
  31. If you haven't been shot at yet, it's because they're directing mortars at you.
  32. The three most dangerous places on the battlefield are: in the open, doors, and stairs.
  33. The minimum safe distance for C4 is one foot farther than you ran before hitting the detonator.
  34. The seriousness of a wound sustained in combat is directly proportional to the distance from the nearest cover.
  35. The importance of a player's job is inversely proportional to their skill at said job.
  36. Any vehicle can be a mine sweeper...once.
  37. You will always spot mines just in time for them to detonate.
  38. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
  39. The effective range of a rocket launcher is one foot less than the distance to target.
  40. Mortars directed at tanks will always overshoot the target.
  41. Except when you are the one in the tank.
  42. Your mortar barrage will always put exactly ONE round on target.
  43. That one round will do nothing.
  44. Those footsteps you hear belong to your friend.
  45. Those footsteps you don't hear belong to the enemy.
  46. The easiest way to get shot at is to start shooting.
  47. Odd objects attract fire.
  48. The object you are covering behind is an odd object.
  49. You are an odd object.
  50. The enemy can spot you, too.
  51. The remains of the destroyed tank that you are hiding behind will de-spawn during a fire fight.
  52. The one item you need is always in short supply.
  53. When in doubt, blow it up.
  54. The enemy is never watching until you make a mistake.
  55. The newest and least experienced player will do the most damage.
  56. The crucial round won't register.
  57. If there is only one way to solve it, it is a stupid solution.
  58. There are no silent killers in the combat zone.
  59. If you are a killer, you are not silent.
  60. The only time the enemy can't hear you is when he's dead.
  61. Or you're dead.
  62. Or he's not there.
  63. Or you're not there.
  64. Muzzle flash = please shoot me
  65. The two most dangerous people in hardcore mode are: the nearest enemy troop and the nearest friendly tank.
  66. Bullets hurt.
  67. Fights are only unfair if you lose.
  68. When the going gets tough, the tough get behind hard cover.
  69. The need for back-up is inversely proportional to the distance from the nearest back-up.
  70. When you lock eyes with an enemy 1,000 meters away, also notice the guy 30 meters away about to shoot you in the ass.
  71. Luck is more useful than skill.
  72. Your spree of success will come to an end because of some punk with an assault rifle.
  73. Helicopter tail rotors are magnetically attracted to trees.
  74. The LZ is always hot.
  75. Tanks draw fire. A lot of fire.
  76. What goes around, comes around.
  77. What comes around, does not go around. (this and previous from User:Bumblebeeprime09)
  78. Whenever you lose track of an enemy, look behind you.
  79. A live coward is more useful than a dead hero.
  80. A fallen hero is more honorable than a live coward. (User:Bumblebeeprime09)
  81. When you line up the shot, the target will move.
  82. There is no wound that can't be treated with a box of pain killers or a jolt of electricity.
  83. There's no shame in running away.
  84. There is a lot of shame in not running away and getting killed for it.
  85. You will always arrive just in time to be of no assistance.
  86. Don't stop shooting until you kill them or they will kill you.
  87. If you have control of the combat situation, you are not in a combat situation.
  88. Someone will always find a flaw in your master plan.
  89. If there are no flaws, the server admin will accuse you of cheating.
  90. If the server admin doesn't, someone will convince him.
  91. If it's absolutely vital that someone notice something, they won't.
  92. If they try to see it, they still won't.
  93. Many difficult tasks can be made easier with clever use if high explosives.
  94. You are walking into an ambush.
  95. Unless you are running into an ambush.
  96. Or driving into an ambush.
  97. Or flying into an ambush. (User:Bumblebeeprime09)
  98. The lifespan of your squadmate is one second shorter than your respawn timer.
  99. Your other squadmate is a recon and he's even farther away. (this and previous from User:LITE992)
  100. Every weapon is over-powered.
  101. Every weapon is under-powered. (this and previous from User:Spetsnaz117)
  102. There is just enough time to fail to escape a collapsing building(User:Heatedpete)

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